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Friday, May 4, 2012

CONFESSION TIME!!!!

I have a confession to make-and it HURTS!!!
Before we went to China for Rose and Lili, we were pretty sure we would be heading back this year for one more-

I had fallen in love with one of Rose's foster brothers-actually, we had all become smitten with him-

It just seemed like something we would FOR SURE be doing-
but alas, I wasn't very far into our trip last January when something dawned on me-I didn't think I had it in me to do this again-it would be too fast, too soon, too much, and the mere thought of starting all that paperwork all over again made me about want to throw up.
Now, was this just my flesh?
Had God been calling us to move out in faith on this young man?
Or did we let the emotions of his circumstances sway us?
I still don't know
BUT, what I do know is that I have 7 at home right now.
We have 2 little boys with pretty intense needs-between speech, developmental delays, and cognitive delays, behavioral issues, and such, they keep me BUSY!
Then, we have Rose and Lili-home only 3 months-Lili with speech issues, health issues, motor skill delays, and quite a bit of behavioral attitudes that need lots of work.
Rose needs lots of time with schooling-her speech/vocabulary need lots of time and work, and she is facing some surgeries this summer that will be quite intense for all of us.
Then, we have our 7 yr old, Tyler the Tornado.
He is still a tornado, and really doesn't enjoy school, so it can be quite a process with him each school day-and throw in a bit of speech/vocabulary with him too.
Then we have Nick and Kendell, happily going about their 7th grade school work, but Mom NEVER has time to look at what they are doing.
Now, this doesn't really seem fair to Daniel, that these issues would keep me/us from wanting to add him to our family-except for the fact that he has CP which affects his arms, his speech is not very clear, altho they say his English is more clear than his Mandarin, altho he had learned to walk, and then ride a bike within a short time of arriving at the B's-that is pretty amazing-

YET I just don't know how I can try to do any more in a day than I do already.(yes, that's my flesh talking)
Are we just making excuses? Sometimes, it may feel like it-but sometimes, I think it would be a huge disservice to bring him home into our family, at this time, and not have the energy, excitement, and time that he would need.
Adopting older children is not an easy road-we have not had a horrible transition by any means, but it is still not easy.
YET, my heart is heavy for him.
He was returned to the orphanage last November out of Rose's foster family-strictly due to "business" decisions the orphanage was making to try to fill their new facility.
I HATE that he is not with the B's in their home.
I HATE that he chose to go, so one of his little foster brothers would NOT have to go.
I HATE that he wants to read his Bible, and was doing well with learning English, and is probably not able to do either right now.
BUT
I love that he is now being advocated for by the waiting children yahoo group.
I love that his paperwork is close to being sent to CC#WA to be added to the shared list.
I love that people are aware of him, his kindness, love and compassion, and that he may not spend very much time on the list without a family choosing him.
I love that the orphanage director will return him to the foster family once a family steps forward for him.
I so wish we had the resources, time, energy, space and DRIVE to add him to our family-but I am sadly lacking in all of those at the time.
We are also looking down the road to an imminent move to one more farm-hopefully the place we will finally put down roots, and raise our family and do what we love, loving God, and our children, and dairying.
I don't think Daniel is in our future, except to keep lifting him up to the Lord, that He would find him the perfect home, and in His perfect timing.
Please join me in praying for this special young man.
He so wants a family, he so NEEDS a family.
Are YOU his family?
God Bless you as you search your heart and pray for this sweet boy!
Feel free to email me if you want more info on him-there is a ton available-lots of pictures, videos, and stories that will warm you heart.
In Him
Chris and family

14 comments:

kimjax said...

Oh, Chris! I can see how heavy your heart is over this. God is in control and He has the perfect family for him. Just rest in His promises, and know that if he is yours, God will show you clearly - not something that's happening right now. If not, we'll pray a family steps up soon so you can rejoice! Phil. chapter 4:4-end for you today, friend!! Love, Kim

Sherri said...

Chris, I am completely amazed at what you are ALREADY DOING! And you still make time to get on yahoo and encourage moms! Wow...only by supernatural power is that all possible! A fellow adoptive mom recently pointed something out to me: When we bring these kids home, we MUST make certain we are in the will of God so that we have the time, energy and resources to meet the child's needs. If we bring them here on emotion and then neglect them, the child may be WORSE off than in their orphanage. "To whom much is given, much will be required". When we adopt, we actually put these children in a position where more, spiritually speaking, is required of them. We MUST be beside them, guiding them, helping them along. At some point, there is a limit to how many we can each take. It's so very hard because LOVE is God given and we do feel love and compassion for these children. They are precious.

K said...

I am right with you in sharing these same feelings about a little girl about to age out in China.

I know that you'll keep him in your heart and if able, you will go get him. Meanwhile, keep advocating for him!

Don't under estimate that labor of paperwork. I was just thinking long and hard about how much time my current adoption paperwork, classes, appointments, etc... has taken me away from my daughter, who has just been home a year and has special needs, and I homeschool, and work, and I'm single, etc....

Again, keep doing all you're doing and if there's a way, you'll know it. That said, see if you can get CCCWA to make an exception for you to use the same dossier for a third child.

Kelly said...

Daniel has also taken my heart. We also have 7, one of which is SN, just moved from our hometown and family, homeschool, and are headed to China right now for a 5yr old SN girl. I have debated approaching my husband about Daniel as well but when I pray for guidance I feel God maybe telling me "one at a time". I will continue to pray and stand alongside of you to keep his name out there.

Lillie Family said...

Oh Chris - we talked about confession at church today and I confessed to my husband on the way out that, at times, I am exhausted, frustrated, and not doing enough for our kiddos. That I am selfish and, by 3 pm, I want to look at blogs instead of playing with them.

You are an amazing woman and, today, I am asking God to help me become a woman like you... who has the energy, patience, and love to raise a family like yours.

thank you for sharing about this guy, advocating is one of the best things we can do!!!

Anonymous said...

Chris,

Your post was so heart felt! I know the feelings you have! We fell in love with a girl from our son's SWI. She has brittle bone disease. We were so close to moving forward, but had to be honest with ourselves about what the Lord was calling us to do. I advocated for her and she ended up in a wonderful 'home' with other waiting children with brittle bone disease. She's now receiveing the therapy, medication, surgery and attention she needs and deserves! I will pray for your family and Daniel. God Bless,

Angela

Difference2This1 said...

Chris- I'm sure this is so hard to think through all this. You are doing so many amazing things right now...AND there is so many needs in front of you. I have to believe, if/when YOUR family is meant to bring him home, He will give you peace in it. In the meantime, you are doing a great thing in advocating for him...you never know whose heart God wants him to capture in you spreading the word on his behalf. Blessings, Jennifer

Monique said...

Believe me, I know EXACTLY how you feel...and I could have nearly written the post- by varying a the "why nots"/ Hugs...we will pray for him together, and maybe someone will let us be "aunties"! Hugs
Monique

Annie said...

Oh wonderful Chris, I can feel your mom's heart pouring out right now! I see that sweet boy's face and I have been there before too with a particular little boys face! God does know what you can handle and if it is His will, he will open the door, you will know and you will step through. He has given you a big responsibility right now, as you have just listed their names and needs. He has entrusted you to bring these little ones to growth, love and health and if he feels you are ready to add onto that, he will say, "ok, now go again"! I will pray for this sweet boy, whether it be you or the another perfect family who is chosen to be just right to help him!!

Michele said...

Chris- I know exactly how you feel. You put into words what we have been going through here. Whether its the right choice or the wrong choice I don't know - but we have made the same one and I am standing right beside you.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I just read a post about this wonderful boy here: http://hannahjiejie.wordpress.com/
Praying this special boy finds his family soon.

Carla said...

oh this boy has been SO heavy in my heart too lately. It kills me that another one of his brothers will have a family and he'll be left behind..again. If I could bring two (our province has rules against it) I would! Praying that his family finds him soon!

Monique said...

I know just how you feel... I am guessing the Father has a wonderful family for him...let's pray they would know it! and the funds would come...yesterday!
hugs
Thanks for the loving on those God has entrusted to you!
Monique

Heidi said...

I get it. There is a beautiful boy at our son's orphanage that our son keeps claiming as "his brother" We have NO resources right now and even though we only have 2 kids, it is still a challenge to me. I feel like after 17 months home we are coming out of some serious "clouds" with our 8 year old. I like that. It is truly a lot of work and energy to deal with bringing old kiddos into our lives. Yet, I think (like you) "how can he just be left behind?" However, I also keep thinking--maybe I am not always the rescuer. Maybe God has another family for him and I would just be getting in the way of His plan if I "forced" the issue. So maybe that is the case with this little guy too. Maybe it takes all that pressure and stress in your life now to finally release him to someone else. Advocate advocate advocate. I am totally in support of that. God will make the rest clear.