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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

almost 6 months since a post....

 
I find it hard to believe it was June the last time I wrote a post, and put pictures on this blog. YET, I know the last 6 months have been more busy than I could ever have imagined, with more ups and downs than I would have dreamed, and life has yet to find a "new" normal for our family.
I have always loved blogging, and sharing joys, dreams, fears, discouraging times, and meeting new friends along the way. I have gone back and read all the comments since the first of this year, and it has brought me great joy to know that we are NOT alone on this journey.
Adoption is SOOOO not for the faint of heart. It is exhilerating, it is exhausting. It is joyous, it is sad and filled with hours of grieving.
It is painful, yet it is like giving birth (or so I 've been told :)  )because you do forget all the pain when the hours of labor are behind you.
It is bone-wearying, soul trying, and mind stretching.
It is days of peaks and valleys, hours of training, training, training; it is minutes of praying, Help me thru this moment!
This past year is like nothing I/we have ever been through before.
To say there haven't been times when I wanted to just throw my hands up and say, I GIVE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE would not be an understatement.
It has been a hard year.
It has been trying.
It has been filled with moments of defeat, yet hours of great WINS.
I have spent more hours on the road to or in Dr's offices ( and don't even go there with the $$$ for gas this year) and the year is NOT over yet.
I have spent more time looking at symptoms, analyzing behaviors, asking questions and researching chromosome deficiencies and talking to genetics specialists than I EVER thought I would be doing.
There have been days when we were sure we were tearing apart our family, instead of building a new one.
There have been times of deep grief over the family that was.
There have been days of deep pain over the family we are trying to become.
It has been hard.
no 2 ways about, just plain HARD!!!
and it hurts.
BOY, does it hurt.
The sleepless nights worrying about children's issues, worrying about siblings not loving one another the way we had hoped, worrying about why I/ we don't feel the way we THINK we should be feeling by this time into this new family.
The days of trying to stop 3 little dynamos with LOUD mouths from destroying the house,(and my sanity) yet trying to school 3 who don't have any issues, and trying to figure out how to school our oldest daughter so that some day, she can GET IT!!!!
Do we regret the past year?
I don't think so.
Do we wonder what would have happened if we hadn't gone this route?
I think we do sometimes.
Yet, I hate to say it, but those are the times when my selfish, what about me attitude really comes to the front, and I want to say, WHAT ABOUT ME.
Yet, it's not about me, or Chuck, or the 5 who were home first.
It is about 2 new girls, who are still trying mighty hard to find their way in a world that still leaves them quaking in their shoes.
It's about 2 sweethearts who, until 11 months ago, did not have a forever mommy and daddy, sisters and brothers.
Its about trying our hardest to blend all our lives together, and to give honor and glory to our Father, who orchestrated it all from the beginning.
The tears can come easily some days, but there are days when the laughter, giggles and simple joys win out over the night's tears.
We still have lots of diagnoses to ponder, lots of issues to work through, lots of PAIN ahead, as we continue to forge this thing called FAMILY.
Please keep us in prayer. Please continue to check in, leave encouragements, and keep loving us from afar.
We don't mean to be distant, we are just busy about our Father's work-even on the days when I think I have done everything wrong-and there are alot of those kinds of days around here-I am a very fleshly creature, I have discovered, and don't like to have so many unknowns, so many what ifs, so many unanswered questions still hanging.
And for those of you who knew we were buying a farm, the deal is off-yes, another MAJOR disappointment-and another MAJOR unknown as we ponder what next!!!
What is next for us Lord?
We are really trying to listen-even when our flesh gets in the way!!!
Blessings and love
Chris for all 9 of us:)
A few pictures from the last few weeks-
I'm not going to try to recreate the whole 6 months, blogger is way too slow for me!!
enjoying some fall fun in the leaves
a homeschool fieldtrip, and daddy got to go along too:)
the joy of cows in the barn, fresh milk in the fridge, and making butter and cottage cheese
another field trip-and a chance to hold a skunk
good byes are hard, and our beloved Speech Pathologist had worked with Isaiah for 1 1/2 years-but her schedule did not allow for 4 kids in Hillsboro on Thursday morning anymore-sigh!!!

yes, that's FOUR dogs-2still very much all puppy!!!!
fun on the gator this fall-all 7 fit!!!!
our first Christmas for this year-and 9 cousins gathered together at Grandma and Grandpa's house:)
I think we are stretching them a bit!!!
Rosalyn just discovered a BABY in her box-and she LOVES her
we might have a way to make these 2 best friends yet-they both LOVE dolls, and Grandma sewed some awesome clothes for the new dolly-who is named Jessa
after Christmas at Thanksgiving, some of us hit the woods with my Dad to bring in some wood for him-and it was a COLD day
mama duck hatched 4 ducklings, and did we enjoy watching them grow over the summer
I w as thankful to find pictures of the fireworks I missed as Isaac screamed through the whole show-the ONLY thing he is scared of, besides a car wash:)
 a family picture at the park after the girls' readoption in September
 Double the trouble, but 2x the amount of sweetness and cuteness!!!

2 little boys playing cars
gathering at the waters for baptisms this fall

13 comments:

Vicky said...

Hi Chris, I'm sorry that it has been such a hard year! I loved seeing your update and photos. I pray that God will renew your strength as you continue to love your family and do what is best for each child.

Marcia said...

Hi. I'm a new friend who has found your blog and was hoping you would post an update sometime soon. "-) I was adopted as an infant (my parents adopted 8 children)and love hearing of other families who are adopting as well.
The baptism picture sure blessed me as well.
God bless you.
Marcia Zimmerman

Chris said...

Glad to see your update. Not sure how you do it...I know YOU don't do it...Prayers for all of you.

Michele said...

Hi Chris. There must have been something in the air yesterday because after 4 months I got on my blog too.! We are definitely kindred spirits because I re read all my posts and comments too and it made me thankful and miss my blog friends too. So glad you are back.

It's a Wonderful Life said...

Chris, keep holding on. Your thoughts and experiences are not yours alone. Everyone of us that have had difficult adoptions has questioned and asked what about me. You are right though, it's not about me it's about God. These are the times we are truly refined. When you come out the other end you will be better and more pure. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's harder than you think. The Lord will be with you. You really are doing a great job. :)

Deanne

Robin said...

Chris-
I have missed reading updates on your family too. My heart is heavy for you as you go through this very trying time. When I was younger my family added a child with many needs into the middle of our family. I can sympathize with your kids and understand their mouring over how life used to be. You are an amazing Mom and you have a terrific family. Sending you uplifting thoughts and prayers. Blog when you can:)

Debberoo said...

So lovely to hear from you my dear blog friend! I often think of you and your beautiful family and have wondered how you are doing. I can only imagine what a HUGE change this year has been for each and every one of you. Change is hard, change is so very tiring and stressful but eventually it becomes the new normal and things get easier. Honestly you wouldn't be human if you hadn't had moments of wondering "what have we done!" You have got such a lot on your plate, please don't feel guilty for wondering "what about me". Its really important that you take care of yourself, that isn't a luxury its a necessity and you can't help anyone if you don't look after yourself! I'm so sorry about all the medical worries you have to think about on top of just the day to day work load of a big family. So much for you to try to fit into each day. Hang in there, keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember we are all cheering you on. I loved all the photos and that, even in the midst of everything, you can see the joy in the little things. Sending all good wishes to you and all your babies. xxxx

Tammy said...

Chris, Praying every good and perfect blessing fill your heart and world. Praying for deeper attachments, bondings and knitings. Praying for a renewed strenghth and perfect wisdom.
Keep heading straight my friend.
Blessings

Tammy

michelle said...

Chris, Much comes to mind when reading your post as we navigate our way through the cocooning stage with our two additions, trying to find our new normal. Every day is tough right now, pray throughout the day for moments of what to look for in the future and thus i've thought of your road many times to give me strength. I think about how hard I thought it would be, and it is harder, how prepared I thought we were, but are not, how many moments I thought I would always be as understanding as humanly possible, but fall short of my goals. For we are servants to our Lord and we are dependant on his mercy and grace. But how hard it is to hold this close to our hearts for all those situations which show themselves to us mothers throughout any given day. We are all together soooo human and you my dear blogger buddy are ever such a devoted mum and servant to our Father. Praying for all of you, for His care and love to surround you.

Wonderful to see the post. I have such little time now to check blogs but when time allows it is such ablessing to re-connect. Take care, Michelle Lynne

The Stein Family said...

Hi Chris! Thanks for sharing your experiences and being real about it. You are an inspiration! We should travel around mid-January to meet our sweet Chelsea Qingnan in Shanghai and would appreciate your prayers. Love, Laura

Margaret said...

Hi Chris, Thank you SO much for being honest about how hard the struggle is at times! I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how your lovely family was doing. We are home 1 month with our second from Taiwan and it is indeed a journey that can be SO hard at times. Of course you and your family mourn what was - it is human nature. Finding what is "normal" and "ordinary" seems impossible at times, but it will come with time. You are in my prayers as you navigate all the many needs under your care. You are a great mom and a great inspiration - and a blessing.
God bless you and yours!

K said...

It was so nice to pop in on your blog tonight. I am living a similar life. I suddenly found myself the mother of three instead of two this summer! It is so hard, sometimes, isn't it?

Traci said...

Hi Chris - don't know how I found your blog tonight but I did! I will pray for your encouragement and blessings of unity and love on you and your family. You may not remember me but we got home again from China 2 days before Christmas. Your family is awesome and I really appreciate your honesty. Traci