CONFESSION TIME!!!!

I have a confession to make-and it HURTS!!!

Before we went to China for Rose and Lili, we were pretty sure we would be heading back this year for one more-

I had fallen in love with one of Rose's foster brothers-actually, we had all become smitten with him-

It just seemed like something we would FOR SURE be doing-

but alas, I wasn't very far into our trip last January when something dawned on me-I didn't think I had it in me to do this again-it would be too fast, too soon, too much, and the mere thought of starting all that paperwork all over again made me about want to throw up.

Now, was this just my flesh?
Had God been calling us to move out in faith on this young man?

Or did we let the emotions of his circumstances sway us?

I still don't know

BUT, what I do know is that I have 7 at home right now.

We have 2 little boys with pretty intense needs-between speech, developmental delays, and cognitive delays, behavioral issues, and such, they keep me BUSY!

Then, we have Rose and Lili-home only 3 months-Lili with speech issues, health issues, motor skill delays, and quite a bit of behavioral attitudes that need lots of work.

Rose needs lots of time with schooling-her speech/vocabulary need lots of time and work, and she is facing some surgeries this summer that will be quite intense for all of us.

Then, we have our 7 yr old, Tyler the Tornado.

He is still a tornado, and really doesn't enjoy school, so it can be quite a process with him each school day-and throw in a bit of speech/vocabulary with him too.

Then we have Nick and Kendell, happily going about their 7th grade school work, but Mom NEVER has time to look at what they are doing.

Now, this doesn't really seem fair to Daniel, that these issues would keep me/us from wanting to add him to our family-except for the fact that he has CP which affects his arms, his speech is not very clear, altho they say his English is more clear than his Mandarin, altho he had learned to walk, and then ride a bike within a short time of arriving at the B's-that is pretty amazing-

YET I just don't know how I can try to do any more in a day than I do already.(yes, that's my flesh talking)

Are we just making excuses? Sometimes, it may feel like it-but sometimes, I think it would be a huge disservice to bring him home into our family, at this time, and not have the energy, excitement, and time that he would need.

Adopting older children is not an easy road-we have not had a horrible transition by any means, but it is still not easy.

YET, my heart is heavy for him.

He was returned to the orphanage last November out of Rose's foster family-strictly due to "business" decisions the orphanage was making to try to fill their new facility.

I HATE that he is not with the B's in their home.

I HATE that he chose to go, so one of his little foster brothers would NOT have to go.

I HATE that he wants to read his Bible, and was doing well with learning English, and is probably not able to do either right now.

BUT

I love that he is now being advocated for by the waiting children yahoo group.

I love that his paperwork is close to being sent to CC#WA to be added to the shared list.

I love that people are aware of him, his kindness, love and compassion, and that he may not spend very much time on the list without a family choosing him.

I love that the orphanage director will return him to the foster family once a family steps forward for him.

I so wish we had the resources, time, energy, space and DRIVE to add him to our family-but I am sadly lacking in all of those at the time.

We are also looking down the road to an imminent move to one more farm-hopefully the place we will finally put down roots, and raise our family and do what we love, loving God, and our children, and dairying.

I don't think Daniel is in our future, except to keep lifting him up to the Lord, that He would find him the perfect home, and in His perfect timing.

Please join me in praying for this special young man.

He so wants a family, he so NEEDS a family.

Are YOU his family?

God Bless you as you search your heart and pray for this sweet boy!

Feel free to email me if you want more info on him-there is a ton available-lots of pictures, videos, and stories that will warm you heart.

In Him

Chris and family