16 years of being a mama-celebrating, and humbled

I know it has been over 1 1/2 years since I posted. I know I should be giving lots of updates,

posting lots of pics, and telling you all how wonderful life is with our 7 treasures.

I have often wondered, would I keep writing? Would I just let it hang out there in cyberspace for years, like so many long-lost adoption blogs?

Our life has become more than just adopting orphans and loving the fatherless.

Its become a REAL, fulltime job, mothering, discipling, training and loving 7 unique, wonderufully created, not easily meshed together, children who were lovingly placed in our home by an all-wise, all-knowing loving Father.

Lets just say, 16 years ago, when we celebrated our first Mother's Day with Kendell, and she was a petite, busy 2 yr old, and we were in process for our 2 1/2 yr old, super-busy Nick, that I never knew parenting could be SOOOOOO hard, yet so rewarding, so heart-breaking at times, yet so soul-stretching.

Life was about loving on our toddlers, enjoying all their antics, spending lots of time with the grandparents and extended family, and lots of friends also loving on them.

Life was pretty simple, and we knew it was what we had been waiting for for 10 long years.

But, life changed.

They grow up-and we added a few more children, some not quite so easy to bond with, and love on, and life became a game of "I'm not sure I can do this", and "I'm really not sure I am getting this thing right".

And you know what? 

I found out I'm not getting it all right, and I'm not winning "Mom of the Year" award any time soon.

I sometimes wonder if they even know how much they are loved, when there seems to be constant contention and strife, and who ever knew parenting teens meant rewriting your parenting ideas completely? And, I'm not a really quick learner. I tend to want to keep dong the things I did when they were little, and hugs and kisses and a story at bedtime were all they needed to feel loved and cherished.

I do love being a mom.

I do love my children, fiercely.

Each one of them, in their own way, is such a blessing to my mama's heart.

and I guess the old adage, "no pain, no gain" certainly applies to raising children.

They expose my weaknesses, I learn how to lean hard into Jesus, and draw strength and wisdom from Him, and quit trying to do it all on my own.

But, it does hurt, and sometimes, it really isn't fun.

BUT, it is all profitable, and necessary, and humbling, and stretching and growing.

SO, as I look back over the last 16 years of parenting, I am thankful.

And I want to look ahead to the next year, a little smarter, a lot more humble, and a lot stronger in the Lord.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mamas out there, whether through adoption, or by birth-this parenting thing isn't for cowards, or quitters, is it???

We used to say adoption is not for the faint of heart-

well, in truth, LIFE is not for the faint of heart-

Blessings

Chris

Summer happenings on the farm

 This is PRICELESS!!!!What we have been waiting for for 8 years!!!

Is there anything cuter than a jersey calf? and then, 2 of them???

We really like our barn

It sure feels good to be able to write, ON THE FARM!!!

We are loving dairying again, altho it is a LOT OF HARD WORK, and we are tired every single night!

But, it is a good tired, and we will take TIRED, over not sleeping because we aren't doing enough with our days to get tired:)-BTDT!!!

Settling into a new home has proven to have lots of challenges with challenged children-as I should have been more prepared for,(and was too optimistic for my own good) but it is progressing well.

We would do anything to have a Grandma around the corner to help out with the littles during the day, and even tho we have tried help from some older girls at church, when you have children with attachment issues, suffice it to say, in-home help won't be continuing around here any time soon.

There is always plenty to do around here, but 2 big projects we accomplished this summer include a new set of canning shelves built by my Dad and Nick, and our Rainbow playset purchased on Craigslist which was dismantled, moved across the state, and re-erected in our yard by the help of 2 other families:)

We are slowly but surely getting the yard/house/barn put together the way we want it, altho there will be some projects that will be waiting for a long time.

Haying season has been here, amidst a very rainy April, May and June.

We curtailed a large garden this year, I just don't have the energy or stamina, or childcare, to do a big garden justice, altho we are getting flowerbeds in place, much to my enjoyment:)

The kiddos are loving their big yard, the sloping driveway gives Lili and Tyler lots of space to fly on their bikes, Isaiah is doing very well with pedaling his trikes, and wants desperately to ride a bigger bike-maybe next year-

Isaac is still a tiny turbo-terror on 2 short legs, and is gone in the blink of an eye, is into everything, and screams loudly whenever someone tries to stop him.

Nick and Kendell handle all the everning chores, as Dad is still working off the farm, and Rose smiles(most of the time) thru her dishes, laundry, and chasing Isaac. She is not fond of chickens, altho collecting eggs is on her job list too. She prefers to shovel poop or cornsilage, and likes to spend time on the swings too!

There is so much more to say, and I will really try to be more faithful in blogging-

Life has not been easy this spring and summer, and those in the older child adoption world will understand, it ain't all roses,in fact, really, we have been in CRISIS mode most of the summer, which is a step BELOW survival-- but that is for another day.

I will post a few pics of some of the happenings around here, hopefully enough to draw you back-I know I have a few faithful friends who keep checking, hoping for updates-thanks for the emails to encourage me and push me to do a brief update, I promise=there will be more!!

Blessings

Chris for all 9 of us!!!

SOOOO nice to have this in our own yard now

I so enjoyed watching them work together

what a great team they make

the finished product-good thing I don't need to can anything much this year:)

too cute-they heard the kids take off in the Gator, and were MAD they missed out

 can you say, "ARE YOU CRAZY?? 4 DOGS???"

just a super cute picture of Zaya-he is growing and really filling out

Little Isaac-he's not too sure about the calves, and they aren't too sure of him either-and rightfully so:)

Tyler-he loves tractors, gators, fast bikes, anything that MOVES!!!!

moving our chicken house home-finally!!!

 Good Bye Gross Valley Lane

 watching the chicken house come home

Happy Daddy's Day!!!

Keeping a Quiet Heart

I have to be honest with you all! I have not had a peaceful or quiet spirit in the last couple months!

It seems this adoption process is getting tougher on us, even though we aren't first-timers. We are struggling with many things in the last few weeks, and I am in dire need of a major dose of His peace to stabilize me and keep my ship afloat!

I need some serious lap time with my Savior. I need to nestle into His chest, feel His arms around me, and let His quiet heart quiet my troubled heart. I need to let my plans and agendas drop, and let His will be done. I need to allow Jesus' peace to fill me and quiet me, and still the storm that is raging inside me.

I am like the faithless disciples, in the midst of the storm. They feared, they cried out, they were sure their ship was doomed. And basically, Jesus said, "Where is your faith?"

and I heard Him, in my tumultous heart, say that to me this morning.

Why am I letting myself get worked up into a frenzy of disappointment and despair, when we have the assurance that this adoption is part of God's plan for us, that our 2 girls will come home to us SOMETIME in the near future, and that we are in the business of ministering to orphans?

Why do I keep focusing on the "what if's" instead of the truths?

Why do I let myself "go there?"

Why am I like the raging sea, waves billowing about, feeling no sense of peace and calm?

Because I have chosen to allow myself this "luxury" of wallowing in self.

And boy, has it ever been HORRID!!!

My morning devotions consisted of near tears because I couldn't find my book I started re-reading this weekend-oh boy, how sad is that? And then I had real tears, because after I found it, the reading for the day was JUST what I needed to hear, see, meditiate upon, and cling to for dear life.

Of course, there comes with it a chastisement form the Lord for allowing myself to get to this point. The obsessing over how long, how many days, how much longer.....

trying to track every detail, trying to anazlye every possibility, trying to "make" it all happen according to MY plans-

Guess what? That's not how God does life, is it?

and it's certainly not how a godly woman (trying to be a godly woman) handles life in the midst of storms.

To say I have seen the light is an understatement. God has shook me good this morning, and I am so thankful.

He has shown me, again, that my unbelief, my fear, my anxiety, are not going to bring me peace, or bring Rose and Lilly home any faster. Nor will it provide a safe haven for my 5 children already in my home, nor provide my dear husband with the love and support he needs during the storms of his life!!

God is good, all the time. He put a song of praise in the heart of mine!

I am determined, and with His help, I will succeed, to quit obsessing, to quit over-analyzing, to quit raging, to quit denying He is in control!

A quote from Streams in the Desert, my devotional, will stay with me for the day, and hopefully longer than that:

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." George Mueller!!

Another quote from today's devotion: You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us the promises in a quiet hour; God seals our covenants with great and gracious words, then He steps back and waits to see how much we believe; then He lets the tempter come, and the test seems to contradict all that he has spoken. It is then that faith wins its crown. That is the time to look up through the storm, and among the trembling, frightened seamen, cry, "I believe God that it shall be even as it was told me."

With God's grace and help, I will begin today to BELIEVE Him for all His promises, and all His plans, and "look up and claim victory"!!

Be blessed

Chris

I'm Tired!!

Ok, I am kind of known for my positive outlook, and my cheeriness ( at least to those in the cyber-world)-not always in real life!

But, over the last couple days, I have come to a conclusion:

-I AM TIRED

*tired of snow

*tired of sub-zero temps & blowing winds

*tired of worrying about the farm, cows, employees

*tired of looking for another employee
*tired of cows with issues
*tired of professionals who don't want to help us
ie.veterinarian, feed consultant
*tired of Sundays being non-stop from 4:30 am to 8 pm
*tired of Sundays being about everything but God and time in church
*tired of waiting for news of our adoption
*tired of feeling like a pawn in the world of international adoption
*tired of watching our little boy growing up in pictures
*tired of homeschool consisting of maybe 1 good hour a day
*tired of my house looking like a tornado struck
*tired of trying to fix 3 meals a day-and then doing the dishes afterwards
*tired of being sharp and angry with my children
*tired of no time for friends-except by email-real personal, huh?
*tired of worrying about when I can fit in my next nap
*tired of cows that calve at all hours of the night
*tired of quality time with hubby consisting of a nap together before lunch
*tired of trying to squeeze Bible reading into our family time at night-when we are all yawning and trying to stay awake
*tired of being tired!!

OK, I could go on for a bit more, but, I think you get the picture-I am weary, worn out, fatigued, exhausted, and running on empty!!
As my hubby said this morning-"Are we having fun yet??"
No, I don't have any answers, but sometimes looking at it all in black and white helps you to see a bit more clearly, at least venting helps to get it off my chest anyway.
I promise, the next post will be a bit more upbeat-It has to be, I can't take any more of this.
Hugs
Chris

OK, Enough already!!

For some reason, we are all tired of winter around here.

I think when the 9 year olds start saying they can't wait for spring, we have maybe had enough snow for one year???
I don't know for sure, but when the piles of snow are higher than any tractor on the farm, when I can't see my house from the milking parlor, and when the swingset is almost completely covered, MAYBE we have had enough?
We are in the midst of yet another famous Wisconsin snow storm, and it could move into the blizzard category by evening if the winds pick up and start blowing the last 8 inches we just got this morning.
Of course, it couldn't just snow, it had to rain first, so we have a really nice layer of ice underneath the new snow, which is always so much fun to deal with on the roads.
Now, we love Wisconsin, we love snow, we love the changing seasons, but we have had snow on the ground since before Thanksgiving. It is now 3 months since that time, and we have no end in sight yet.

You know the old saying? If you don't like the weather, stick around a few hours, it will change-well, tomorrow we go back to sub-zero-YUCK!!!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend, and is warm and safe!

Blessings

Chris

Monday morning musings

Well, we are off to another race this week-where do we think all the energy comes for such long lists of things to do, calls to make, etc...
I guess, you just "do the next thing" as Elizabeth Elliot always said. This week includes
*herd health Monday
*classify 15 Holsteins Tuesday
*Dad comes to work on shelves in basement Wed (weather permitting)
*We milk 2 shifts on Thursday
*Friday is Botany co-op day (sigh, our final class together)
*Look for an employee for the farm

And I am not including trips to the chiropractor, calls to the accountant about year-end taxes, house-cleaning (and calling someone to help with that for a few months since I have been so far behind this winter), call to case worker for hand-carry documents list and ?'s about the process, homeschooling, meal preparations (3 a day, every day), Bible time for myself, and as a family, and I don't think I want to think about anything else this morning. That is enough to keep me busy, don't ya think?
Of yeah, I want to scrapbook some too, not to mention, work on my blog some more-there are ideas I have, but not time to implement them.
So, I had better get ready to head to the barn this morning.
It is kind of nice to have a place to list all this now, and see how the week goes with checking things off.